the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
