this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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