My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
