I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
