she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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