We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
