there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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