i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
