If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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