I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't make out with my wife yet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
