batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need water and some morals
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
