Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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