Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
