Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
