just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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