Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
