OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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