like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
