ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
