So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's the barista slut.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
