The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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