she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
