Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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