no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
