she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
