guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
