i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
