remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
