That's intense
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
