I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
