Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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