why didn't you poke me back
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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