Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
