I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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