I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
