I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
