Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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