Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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