i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
