i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
