Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
