btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
