i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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