Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
