ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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