new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
