Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
