I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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