I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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