He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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