we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You need Xanax blowdarts
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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