Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
