Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
