So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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