so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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