I love black thongs
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize