She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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