At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
