So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
