I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
