Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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