dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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