forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
