Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
