we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
