I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
