What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
