you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ok first of all what the fuck
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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