batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
