Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
