Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize