I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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