I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
