i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
