Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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