Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
