Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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