She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
