I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
